Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Mother, sweet mother of mine




Nothing lasts forever, only love.


Mum has left for the UK. I can't describe the heartbreak.



She has held me together like the strongest foundations these past 9 weeks. I fear that those foundations, with mum and dad here, have been pulled away, but I've got to stand on my own two feet now. She's made me laugh through impossible times.



She's taught me everything about motherhood, incredible love and selflessness. If only I could be half the mother to Reuben that she's been to me. Her time here has been a voyage of great rediscovery. Her novena of masses in the back of the car, her sweet lullabies to Reuben, her singing along to Oasis, Travis and the Fratellis. Her great love of music from every genre.



My mummy... she is the most beautiful, kind and loving person. The word missing does no justice, yet I'll miss the laughter in her voice, the skip in her step, the flick of her hair, the sweet smell from her hugs, her beautiful singing voice, her faith and healing presence, her joie de vivre, her wit and charm. How blessed her life has been.


I have the fondest memories of peering through the glass screen of the NICU watching mum and dad laugh away, doing Reuben's leg lifts that he loves so much to give him some respite from lying down so much. It gives me great comfort now. I couldn't have realised before how such a simple gesture of love could convey so much. In the face of great adversity, somehow, I don't know how, we all managed to have a great time together.


Today I will go to the hospital and await Jason's arrival late afternoon. I'll sit with Reuben on my lap despite the ventilator. I won't have mum there to cry and laugh and sing with me, yet I'll have her there in the spirit she has endowed us with. I'll see her in Reuben's face.


In the words of The Killers, "We hope you enjoyed your stay, it's good to have you with us, even if it's just for [9 weeks]". Mum would sing this in the back of the car on the way to the hospital.


I thank God for mum's good health and pray long may it last. Long may we have her in our lives.


I love you mum.

4 comments:

yp said...

Oh Catherine - Every word you say is so true. Your mum is pure love and kindness - generous like the sun - she caused Keith to bloom in her company. It was such a priviledge to see the love and pride in her eyes, her smile and her every touch - for you, Jason and Reuben. Safe travels to her, I am sure it will be so hard for her to be away from you. I am so thrilled you have time to post on your blog. Thank you for your beautiful words and photos. Please know we are here for you in any way we can be- best to you, Jason and Reuben- with great love, yuka

Lorna said...

Hi Catherine,

I have just managed to catch up with all that has happened with Reuben over the last month!

What Strong little man he is, you must be so proud of all that he has achieved so far!

I'm sure that Reuben will miss your mum & dads visits, as well as them missing him..hopefully it won't be too long before they can come back to see you all again so.

Blessings

Lorna,John & Katie xxx

Geraldine said...

Cate,

How can the doctors get away with all this misinformation. As if it's not
hard enough having to deal with Rueben's condition, you're looking to them
for the answers and for help and all they do is give you worse case
scenarios and in this case, incorrect information.

What a horrible journey this has been for you, like being punched over and
over again. I am so glad, however, that they have apologised and reassured
you that he can and will be treated for the heart surgery, and the extent of
his heart condition is not quite as bad as they had previously thought. I
know this is a journey for them as well. Great that his neurological scan
has showed up as normal and we can only hope that he will surpass all their
expectations and predictions on this front, just like he has done already
with battling through against all the odds.

What a brave little boy he is. God bless him and God give you two strength
to guard over Rueben, being his protector and champion in all this
adversity.

Love you all
Geraldine

Catherine said...

From: Mum
My dear Lovely Catherine, how lovely your letter to me was, words I will treasure forever. It was pure delight for me to watch you with Reuben, God bless his little heart and strengthen his lungs. I seen you at your most beautiful, looking at him with pure love and forgetting the pain you felt inside at that moment. Little Reuben knows his mum @ dad well and was reassured by your tenderness and love. I only did what any mother would do, to be there for you and support you both as dad did too. Jason is great at keeping your spirits up, so you must do for him too. I am missing you all so much, miss my little sweet love Reuben. I will always be there for you Catherine, always in my thoughts and prayers. It takes time for prayers to be answered but they will be. Hope the weekend will be good for you both, be strong for each other. My heart is with you all, I miss you and love you so much. Love always mum x