Reuben Jack & Callum Andreas

Golden

2012-02-17T01:18:00.000-08:00

Captured with the Canon 5D Mark II, 70-200/2.8 IS USM entirely

Heart update

2012-02-15T21:54:00.001-08:00

So all's set for March 20th. Heart and lung bypass for Reuben at UCLA. The surgeon and his nurse practitioner were patient and extremely informative, both having been involved in Reuben's 1st open heart at Children's in 2007. There's a 10% chance of a pacemaker, the risk exacerbated by delving into the same area as previously. The positive news is that the thickening of his heart caused by the extra work it's been doing due to the flappy tissue creating a little damn, is likely to reverse after the surgery and return to a normal thickness. The surgery will involve snipping that tissue along with a bit of the muscle. The incision will run along his existing heart scar and they'll also use the original tube holes as per the 1st surgery so with time, the scaring shouldn't be that much worse than it is currently

Valentine's Tea Party

2012-02-13T09:55:00.000-08:00

This is the Sneak Peek. The story to follow...

One day like this

2012-02-08T09:36:00.000-08:00

February is Heart Month

2012-02-03T19:12:00.000-08:00

Best viewed as the slideshow. Just click an image...

I love creating this little stories from a series of like images, watching the subtle changes, the laughs between them. They never cease to indulge me in my passion for capturing them and I'm ever grateful to my boys for that gift.

Could these gorgeous boys be any more photogenic, or am I just Mummybiased?

All the fun of the carousel (and beyond)...

2012-02-03T11:24:00.000-08:00

Each day's a photograph's day

2012-02-02T08:43:00.000-08:00

When Irish eyes are smiling

2012-01-28T15:39:00.000-08:00

Reuben laughs his socks off at being in prone, "just like a turtle", he would say, as his head popped up and down. I do declare it's the first time he's ever consciously posed for a photo, all after bed messiness in his PJs this morning.

My new favourites of Reuben, oozing his personality, the comedian, and all because his little brother asked his Mummy to take some photos.

Carousel

2012-01-28T00:48:00.000-08:00

Today we

- said bye to our vacant corner lot purple flowers disguised as a meadow
- dropped Reuben off at school
- had our hair cut together at the Yellow Balloon and left with cookies, a yellow balloon and Callum's curls in an envelope
- skipped down the hill and over to the vintage carousel on the pier
- ate strawberry and mint choc icecreams perched on chrome swivel chairs
- looked longingly at the Valentine's candy
- floated our yellow balloon in the air
- wanted to go on the rides but didn't ;-(
- popped our heads in the photo booth
- sat at the end of the pier reading Dr Seuss til Callum fell asleep snuggled into Mummy under the hot midday sun
- walked back to the car (rather, Mummy carried Callum up the hill asleep back to the car)
- picked Reuben up from school
- chatted away in the back of the car
- said hello to our vacant corner lot purple flowers disguised as a meadow
- took Reuben to speech therapy and physical therapy, playing rockets to help Reuben's balance
- ate Mexican for dinner
- watched mummy get ready super quick for her workshop which we called mummy's "camera party"
- were entertained by Jenn and Kristina whilst Mummy went to her camera party

and had a beautiful day...

Big Bear Mountain

2012-01-27T23:54:00.000-08:00

Skiing with my boys today in the bright sunshine, the blizzard of yesterday having cleared and this ranks as one of my all time favourite moments, alongside Reuben. My first time back in my skis and boots for 6 years and it came right back to me, somewhat surprisingly.

Reuben has an incredible technique of air skiing, lifting his legs and skis up in the air, balancing on his arms cradled in the walker.

Just bliss, nothing more.

In the undergrowth: A story of best friends

2012-01-20T21:30:00.000-08:00

True to form, The Thinker sits and ponders life and love whilst the Adventurer sets off in search of pirate's treasure buried in the midst of wildflowers (it's probable?)

But Callum's mind has already begun to scheme...

"Hey Reu! Come and play!" he encourages, as he looks up at this much loved big brother, laughing away.

"Only if you let me shred these leaves first" answers Reuben.

"But you're always doing that Reuben. What's the big deal with shredding leaves?" replies Callum.

"You see a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. I've gotta have an occupation. It helps ground me. I enjoy that thinking time whilst I'm shredding. And anyway, all this reading makes a man weary Callum."

"I know Reuben (actually listener. Yeah you there looking at me. I gotta tell you. I don't really. I'd much rather be running around chasing the ladies than reading books like Reuben, but for the sake of the story...)" replies Callum...

"So did you hear the joke about the...?" continues Callum...

"Callum's so funny!" exclaims Reuben with glee as down into the undergrowth Callum slips, saturated with the humour of his own jokes...

and down...

and down still, till he's rolling in the deep.

"Love you Reu Reus."

"Hey, don't get all soppy on me" replies Reuben. "We're big boys now".

"But I love you Callum. You make my day."

"Hmm..." ponders Callum. "I'll be right back!" (that being Callum's favourite expression)

and he heads off to fetch wood for their camp.

and leaves for the roof...

"So it's back to leaf shredding then Reuben?".

"I reckon so", replies Reuben.

Reuben's heart

2012-01-18T19:01:00.000-08:00

Reuben is going to need open heart surgery imminently. When I look at the facts, delaying would only cause the gradual and inevitable demise into heart failure once again.

This is unrelated to the bad incident last week when Reuben was in the ER being sick and his heart rate plummeted to 46 bpm. That was actually an electrical issue in his heart, the sinus node, the heart's natural pacemaker, not firing timely signals, rhythms. When that happened, and I've yet to write on it here, within seconds there appeared a swarm of Drs, the crash team. So here he is wearing his Holter heart for 24 hours to monitor the rhythms.

Today's news which isn't new news at all, just that it's been pushed to the Why wait? agenda, is more of structural heart issue.

Reuben has a flap of tissue left over from his first open heart surgery in August 2007 and it's causing mild-moderate turbulence (66). That turbulence causes his heart to beat faster - I could feel it at the place where his tracheostomy stoma used to be, purring away like a kitten - and if it beats faster, the heart, being a muscle, gets muscles in the form of a thickening of his heart.

In order to avoid any further thickening, that pressure needs to be relieved. It's akin to putting your finger over a hose, that tiny flap of tissue causing the intermittent blockage. And the extra tissue ironically is a remnant, whether scare tissue or a suture left over from his first heart surgery.

Open heart surgery involves stopping the heart, in this case, thankfully for only about 10 minutes. He's previously had his heart stopped for more than an hour aged 3 months, after which it took time for his natural pacemaker to kick start again and allowed him to come off the bypass.

To get access into the heart, you have to break open the ribcage. I remember sitting with my NICU friend Cassandra back then and thinking, about now they'll be breaking through the wall. I also remember the blank expression on the face of the genius surgeon, Dr Starnes, dubbed the hands of God, his fingers perfectly balanced, dancing through the minuscule part of my newborn's heart with the dexterity and grace of a ballerina, as he walked towards us from the OR. I actually fainted at that point fearing the worst. I hadn't before nor since.

Kissing your baby goodbye as they are wheeled away to surgery, that memory is coming back to me now. It's happened 17 times now in addition to the procedures under anesthesia, but nothing can compare to the torturous weight that is felt on the cusp of heart surgery.

I don't want to sound dramatic. I'm actually speaking up for the 100s of families whom I've been connected with in CHARGE and in the world of congenital heart disease. I'm thinking of all the children who have had to suffer so. I know too many.

Sometimes you can be quite remote from CHARGE Syndrome till it comes up again and viscously bites you on the butt, daring you to ever forget the diagnosis. And there's still the congenital spine fusions to think about once again this Spring and reconstructive surgery on his neck, bone grafts, the metal halo in his head and promise of never being able to move his head to the right again. Not a great promise.

When you visit the Craniofacial clinic on a yearly basis as in today, separate from the heart appointment - oh yes did I tell you it was a good day? - the catalyst for which was his recent ER trauma, you walk away with a shopping list of potential surgeries resulting from cranial abnormalities that exist, from individual appointments with the specialities of Plastic surgery, Dentistry, Orthodontics, Ear, Nose & Throat, Speech, Audiology and beyond, everything that relates to the cranium. As complex as this list sounds to the layman, there is also the reminder that these are solely the head issues and in CHARGE you have every other medical facet of the being to consider too. Are his torticollis and neck issues causing his jaw to gradually become more elongated on one side than the other. When these abnormalities are pointed out to you, how do they make you feel about your child's face as you look upon it? Does it feel different now having an aspect of your own child's face pointed out that you've never seen before?

These appointments - are they necessary? I wonder, pull apart the asymmetry of his face, his speech, sight and hearing and push medical science to the limits of what can be achieved to normalise such basic functions as breathing, eating, sleeping comfortably and living as happy and typical a life as change possibly be achieved. I recently watched a programme about Operation Smile whilst in the hospital and was warmed to hear from one of the Drs how she's been involved in this surgeries to repair a child's cleft lip and palette, giving them one of the greatest gifts imaginable, that of being socially accepted.

I'm weepy thinking about how I can start to explain all of this to Reuben, the owies. He's been pointing at his old IV site today from Friday, expecting more of the same with the barrage of Drs who have seen him, yet he still found time to be humorous with the large group of orthodontic specialists all peering into his mouth at the same time, Reuben saying "aaaaaaaaahhhh".

Dentistry came near the end. At least we were commended that his teeth are clean.

Skiing!!!

2012-01-03T21:55:00.000-08:00

Today at Big Bear Mountain, S California

Reuben (4.5) is adaptive skiing alongside Callum (3)

Never could I have imagined that this would be possible, especially not on Christmas Day this year when Reuben was admitted into hospital for RSV

If I tell you a certain special little man had a unexpected 3 hour Adaptive Ski lesson today, on the chairlift, on real skis, on a dual ski, and on a gait trainer with skis skiing the whole way down the mountain, leaving his mummy with tears of joy and him with a big proud face, would you believe me....?

Or that my little three year old was hurtling down the mountain alongside him?

Reuben has Tetrology of Fallot, a series of congenital heart defects, congenital cervical spine fusions, is moderately-severely deaf, wears glasses, has a coloboma, has chronic lung disease, feeds through a gastric tube, had his tracheostomy removed in June 2010, has had 17 surgeries, but, typically of his syndrome (CHARGE), is extremely determined.

Yet never could I envisage Reuben would have such an amazing opportunity, being able to enjoy skiing given his heap of medical, sensory and balance issues, never mind that this Christmas Day he was admitted to hospital. Such sports were always out of bounds for Reuben, that is, until I spotted a little sign today and asked him, "Would you like to go skiing?". "Yes!"

"I go very very fast" I heard him in the car tonight on the way back from Big Bear Mountain. "Callum goes very slow", he continued, laughing his socks off...

Stories from Kenneth Hahn State Park

2011-12-29T22:20:00.001-08:00

Meet the protagonists...

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse

Tradition dictates a lump of coal be left on the doorstep as a gift on New Year's Day. It happens as part of First-Footing and represents warmth for the year to come. Luckily these two little boys still had plenty left over from their unfortunate Christmas presents...

Just because I love you

Merry Christmas

2011-12-29T13:34:00.000-08:00

With grateful thanks to Jaana at Photography by Jaana. Griffith Park, Los Angeles the day after the big storm as you can tell...

Jaana was also so kind as to go back and retrieve Callum's gorgeous hat (which Reu had thrown in the tree and I'd forgotten to retrieve) the next day

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas

2011-12-24T12:44:00.000-08:00

Santa Clause came to the Grove

2011-12-21T23:39:00.000-08:00

Believe

2011-12-17T01:09:00.000-08:00

Oh Night Divine

2011-12-14T11:02:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas to one and all

Sung by Mama Catherine in 2010. Images by Catherine with additional images by Tayanna with Cassandra in Santa Monica and by Jaana Photography at Griffith Park with many thanks

Let it Snow!

2011-12-08T00:31:00.000-08:00

And so we climbed higher still into the mountains, searching for the elusive snow which a little bird promised us had fallen.

The sun was still shining but it would not be for long: the bleak midwinter had stripped the days of their longevity and the nights were drawing in.And then it happened. The glisten of the newly fallen snow. Callum was thinking of Mummy's Blip friends who lived near the North Pole with envy. Do they really dance naked in the fallen snow? I think I'll have to try it.And with a big smile on his face, he threw his clothes and caution to the gentle wind, and dove into the beautiful white, soft blanket.And so said Mummy, there really isn't anything you can't do in this life my boys if you just dare to dream...The End.

Memories of Christmas past

2011-12-05T10:18:00.000-08:00

Christmas 2010

Callum goes iceskating

2011-12-04T12:33:00.000-08:00

This evening, Lincoln's 5th birthday at ICE in Santa Monica and Callum's first iceskate. So beautiful seeing Callum's adventures on and love for the ice, leaving me snuggling them to sleep with Pandora Christmas playing and me falling asleep in beside Callum.

When you were 3

2011-11-29T14:41:00.001-08:00

I thought about writing a post all about Callum. Well, actually I did. In draft. And then I thought I'd just let him tell you himself what he really likes.

Disneyland for Thanksgiving

2011-11-28T00:18:00.000-08:00

Spectacular, spectacular Disneyland day.

Boys in great form.

Didn't get back in time for any Thanksgiving groceries being left in the supermarket and had envisaged Boston Market still being open, so the turkey dinner will wait til the weekend. Would ordinarily spend Thanksgiving with my cousin Barrie's family here, but they're planning for a big wedding tomorrow, ironically his soon to be brother in law whom I first went to Disneyland with in 1989 when I did BUNAC. Barrie actually called me about 5 minutes before this shot for Thanksgiving so our conversation was interrupted by kids screeching with excitement for Mickey.

An extraordinary turn at the Haunted House: a Halloween blend of Christmas. A visual feast, but rather unnerving on many levels with the Santa skeleton, but the boys loved it as they do all the rides, tree houses and parades. Don't mess with my Christmas is what I say! Doing another series of bokeh lights as with last year which is proving fun. Enjoyed the versatility of the 24-70/2.8 today even without the sharpness of my primes. I'd like to share them for download as textures, just need to get my act together.

Lovely weather, cloudy and warm enough to wear a dress and cardi.

I started to think again about the benefits of living in LA: Callum this week has played in the fresh snow high in the Los Angeles mountains, run in the ocean surf, been to Disneyland and attended school.

For Thanksgiving: Thanking God for Reuben's pretty good health for 6 months, the longest stretch yet. For his extraordinary reading abilities, a 4 year old reading like a 6 year old, after just 2 years with use of his vocal chords. For the boys being best friends. For Callum's beaming smiles. For Reuben's laugh and excitement for life. For Callum being the best brother imaginable to Reuben. For Callum's adventurous, sporty, funny sweet self. For my good health. For family and friends. For my boys' kisses and hugs. For the salty smell in their hair after a big play day. For the times I can just nestle my head in their curls and wisps. For Callum seeing a dove and two hearts this morning in a book and saying "I love you". For the boys having friends. For the gift of being able to take photographs and to put thoughts into written words.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Under the boardwalk

2011-11-22T22:49:00.000-08:00

Down on the beach

2011-11-22T00:27:00.000-08:00

Autumn leaves

2011-11-15T20:55:00.001-08:00

Was a big photographic day, down on the beach with Callum, storytime at the library, sightseeing around Ocean Park, and then whilst Callum slept in the car, I picked up Reuben and we jumped out for leaves. Too hard to decide on the Blip due to my utter obsession today with the camera (and little else achieved). One of those magical days.

Do you ever feel the pressure - and we put it upon ourselves - as photographers that you have to capture all these seasonal changes, religious holidays, festivals, birthdays, vacations and we're on a never ending wheel which we are obsessed with, but there is little breathing time between? And yet I absolutely love it.

How happy am I that I pulled over at the side of the road today...

Goodnight Moon

2011-11-12T18:05:00.000-08:00

Click to Youtube to see Reuben reading Goodnight Moon.

PS Capturing him on video doing this is a bit of a long labour of love!

Happy 3rd Birthday Callum

2011-11-06T17:04:00.001-08:00

Happy birthday to my darling baby boy. Now you are 3...

I love you. I just can't get enough of you.

After a day in the rain with Thomas in Riverside, a very long journey from home, we arrived home as the sun briefly emerged before setting and grabbed these. I love my boy so much, it just hurts... Happy 3rd birthday darling. You lighten and brighten my heart

Callum's 3rd Birthday Party

2011-11-05T19:46:00.000-07:00

Once Queen Catherine, now Queen of the Pirates

What a fantastic day!!!

Graduation

2011-11-04T19:28:00.001-07:00

I didn't need to cry too much today, the clouds did it all for me.

I now have two little alumni from UCLA, my little Bruins. They say a lady always knows when to leave, so I guess I must not be much of a lady. It's a hard fact to accept, but my little baby has grown up, is almost 3 and is in need of a beautiful new challenge in life.So proud am I of Callum's path, the little peer role model at the school, and of how he has learnt so much of life's greatest achievement, to be compassionate to his fellow man.I know the memories will flood back in my mind when I'm least expecting them to, stopping me still in my tracks, bringing me back to the big happy bear hugs from teacher Lizette, the radiant smiles from Miriam, the nurturing from Jennifer, the ability to have fun in the water with Carolyn, the security and support from Dane and the memories of both boys' first teacher, Belinda, the one I will always hold in the greatest esteem as a pillar of a perfect teacher.Thank you to UCLA Intervention Program for taking me from my tough early days of motherhood to where I am today, still learning and without which, we would not have had the extraordinarily steady stepping stones to life upon which we are now blessed to walk.I'm forever grateful to Jenn for having these gowns custom made. We all really love you, Jenn.Last night was a once in a lifetime opportunity...just need some pics back from the paparazzi!

Halloween

2011-10-31T23:04:00.000-07:00

UCLA picnic and Underwood Family Farms for the last day of the Harvest Festival. Just in the nic of time...

Thank you Jenn for making today oh so possible for us.

Pumpkins

2011-10-30T20:53:00.000-07:00

C'mon Reu. We promised Mama a pic for a treat.

Callum's hands

Reuben's hands

Happy Halloween!

I wondered if it was a blip (lower case) when Callum read all his friend's names at school on Friday so I wrote all 12 of them all out at home, and sure enough, he sight read them all bar the two new kiddies. This is Callum's first reading so either he's been keeping his reading skills very quiet all along or he absolutely loves his friends...Methinks the latter.

‎"I want to go to Callum's school", announces Reuben. "I'm so proud of you Callum. All by yourself" he continues.

Operation Sleepmore:

2011-10-28T17:19:00.000-07:00

I had to get more incentive, beyond needing more sleep, so did a little interior design...

Pink Autumn, LA LA Land style

2011-10-26T22:44:00.000-07:00

Disney cruise to Mexican Riviera

2011-10-23T19:23:00.000-07:00

I've decided I want to be Snow White when I grow up...

or maybe Cinderella...

and Reuben simply loves to chase his long shadows on the teak deck...

whilst Pirate Callum willfully ignores the no deck running signs...

The striking desert beaches of Cabo San Lucas

Callum frolics in the ocean waves

to the sultry tropical hideaway Las Caletas, accessible only by boat

After Reuben's best moment, the personal hug from Mickey Mouse during the spectacular final theatrical show, there was one last stop with Donald Duck before it was time for the We'll Meet Again finale. I blubbed as I saw Mickey run towards him and hug us both. Three times. It's amazing how touching an experience it was. This is Reu at 1030pm after a very big day on the open seas after demonstrating to passersby and crew members his juggling skills that he saw on stage earlier!

Pre boys was all about adventure travel all over the world, but boy do I love me a cruise now!

Autumn leaves at the Getty

2011-10-14T21:15:00.000-07:00

Auntie Angie

2011-10-13T12:19:00.000-07:00

Auntie Angie came to visit whilst my sister Geraldine and Mark were over from the UK. Pretty fantastic for 8! Must be the LA living. How precious...

Joshua Tree National Park

2011-10-10T21:59:00.000-07:00

"Walk on by - walk on through
Walk till you run and don't look back
For here I am"

Tuco: "Hey Blondie, you realize we might be risking our lives?"

Blondie: "Yeah, if I get killed you'll never get your hands on all that beautiful money."

"Desert rose, Dreamed I saw a desert rose..."

"In God's country"

Momentum Sports Photography Competition

2011-09-27T18:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday came the quite marvellous news that my image simply entitled "Aqualillies" is a top ten finalist in the global sports competition run by Blipfoto in conjunction with the UK's Channel 4."Channel 4 brings you Momentum, a photography competition in partnership with the BT Paralympic World Cup and Blipfoto – the unrivalled online creative community of daily photographers – to find the most instinctive, challenging and extreme sports photographers out there.Launched in tandem with the BT Paralympic World Cup 2011, the competition runs from 23 May to 10 August. Finalists will be nominated by the Blipfoto community and the ultimate winners awarded some fabulous prizes."

And then there's the really good part:"Finalists will also be drawn to the attention of the C4Paralympics team, who may...negotiate individual commissions to undertake photographic work as part of Channel 4’s continued disability sports coverage."From nearly 2,000 entries and a staggering 268,051 clicks on the entries, this really is wonderful news. "The ten entries will now be put in front of the final judging panel - Deb Pulton, Alison Walsh and James Ballardie of Channel 4,and Joe Tree of Blipfoto - who will choose the winner, plus second and third places." The final results will be announced next month.

The nomination holds a special place in my heart. My regular readers will know that Reuben has CHARGE Syndrome, one of the most complex medical diagnosis known and thus the Paralympics (and in London, my home town!) feel very personal.

This image I took on opening day at the Annenberg Community Beach House in Santa Monica, one of Reuben's first ever experiences in the water (the boys are seen scurrying around in the background of the original). It became our summer of swimming.

It's also the highest recognition I've had in photography for the last 20 years on so in which I've carried an SLR around my neck...

Please wish me luck!

Ocean Park bikers

2011-09-27T16:36:00.001-07:00

Another glorious beach morning hanging out with Callum. What splendid late September weather.

In the case of the century, Reuben v Los Angeles School District, we have a great lawyer on our side who believes it's an easy case. Hard to imagine having to fight a legal battle for my 4 year old son just to give him the education he deserves. And boy does he deserve it. Here's hoping.

Best large, for the sweet face alone.

Still so happy about the news. You have to celebrate life's little victories...

Gabriel's Graduation/3rd Birthday

2011-09-23T22:10:00.000-07:00

Callum peeps out from the loo...

Stand and deliver!

2011-09-19T22:05:00.000-07:00

Lest I ever forget, could I?, how very much you love pirates?
Happy international talk like a pirate day!

* * *

Happy 74th Birthday Mum, Nana

2011-09-19T18:43:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday Mum. I hope you too were tickled by the boys signing happy birthday to you, Happy Birthday Nana...

Heavenly bodies - Los Angeles Family Photographer

2011-09-12T10:48:00.000-07:00

Does not nature perform her most beautiful miracles when she's newly woken in the morn or ready to lay her weary head at the end of a sultry day.

"Never forget who you are

Little star

Never forget how to dream

Butterfly"

Sunny bedroom - Los Angeles Family Photographer

2011-09-10T18:36:00.000-07:00

I started to think: would it not be lovely to have a record of your first bedroom together to look back on? I remember of course the bedrooms I grew up in in my mind's eye, but did they really look as I imagine they look, or has my mind just created an image of how I think they looked, in the absence of any photographs...

Keeping it cool - Los Angeles Family Photographer

2011-09-07T20:40:00.000-07:00

Lovely morning with Jennifer and the kids - all three of them - at their new home. And we even found time to chat whilst Callum played happily with GG.

Just received a severe weather warning, three days of 100F + ahead, in relation to Reuben's health. Spreading the message in LA and expecting to spend much time inside til the heat lifts at the end of the day.

More swimming - Los Angeles Family Photographer

2011-08-25T21:00:00.000-07:00

Magic Kingdom - Los Angeles Family Photographer

2011-08-20T22:46:00.000-07:00

And there's more - Los Angeles Family Photographer

2011-08-16T22:03:00.001-07:00

Tuesday, Mr Jesse storytime in the library, but not before watching a TV film crew for Private Practice at our beach park. The usual mums were replaced with actors and the babies with dolls in prams. Then on to check out a Montessori school for Callum which only does 5 days a week programmes. I'm not sure I'm ready to give him up every morning for school or is it time to let go a little? Need advice.

Reading and potty time seems to dominate our afternoons and then back to Santa Monica for the swim lesson in the evening. This is proving a very intensive swim immersion for them and I could never have envisaged how quickly Callum in particular would let go and swim all by himself! I know the focus on my Blips has been Callum, but someone once mentioned discussing at home how it would be for Callum as the sibling of a child with multiple disabilities requiring extra special care. Darling Callum. If you're reading this in the future. It always has been about you darling in my heart just as much as with Reuben and here now is your finest hour. You're thriving! In so many areas, puzzles and physical activities, you've found your excellence, just as Reuben has found his in reading.

Swim with Hearts - Los Angeles Family Photographer

2011-08-14T21:46:00.000-07:00

Full day at the Annenberg Beach House swimming with fellow Blipper Erick and gorgeous daughter Dana, then hopped over to the Santa Monica pool for a great lesson for the boys with water whisperer Mikey. Reuben starting singing and signing M-I-C-K-E-Y-M-O-U-S-E to her. Also at the Annenberg Guest House today after two swims, we watched The Tempest being played out from the great balconies amongst a small audience soaking up the sun, Reuben sitting in his swimmies enthralled by the cast's antics. Swimming feels like such fantastic therapy for me. The time I'm in the pool is the time all ills are banished from my mind. I'm looking forward to next week's adult pool night at the Beach House as watching the sun go down and starlight shines above us. And I'm seriously thinking of doing an Aqualillies water ballet class given how very unfit and unsupple (Reuben will tell me that's not a word) I am too.

LACMA Summer Evening - Los Angeles Family Photographer

2011-08-04T23:40:00.000-07:00

Unbelievable exhibition at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art, "a major retrospective exploring the full range of Tim Burton's creative work". Was delighted to be invited, to be able to bring the boys along, eat sumptuous food, grab a glass of Sauvignon, dance along to the live band with the boys and watch Callum being transformed into a pirate, even if all the wrestling then loving that goes on between these two raucous sons of mine gets a little exhausting and results in a few gasps from passersby. I rather like his first look at his face, don't you?

No need to replicate what's been said in print about it, but suffice to say the boys were tripping out at the installations and Reuben would often ask "What's that?".

Frankly my dear, I have no idea...

Water babies - Los Angeles Family Photographer

2011-08-02T06:33:00.001-07:00

At the Beach House - Los Angeles Family Photographer

2011-07-31T22:49:00.000-07:00

Stepping back in time at the Annenberg Community Beach House, the hand painted tile lining the pool in its own poseidon adventure, yet what was once the playground in the Golden Era for Hollywood royalty is now a community pool and leisure complex. I enjoy the signs denoting that the pool does not entirely fit California building codes due to its heritage. It has quickly become my favorite place in Los Angeles. The fact that I didn't discover it upon opening two years ago I should try to put out of my head lest I kick myself over it.

Marvelling at the Marion Davies Guest House which still remains leaves me lamenting the loss of the original Beach House, only the pool of which remains. Shockingly, it gave way to a half century of parking lots. I can only summise our forefathers had no understanding of the significance of such an architectural trove. It awakens one of my other great passions: architecture and design, the latter an area in which I've had some formal education. If like me you're obssessed with vintage photographs, check out this link to the marvel of what was once the Beach House in all its Georgian Revival.

Reuben's swimming was remarkable: in his trached days just a year ago when water was out of his reach, the thought that he would be doing elementary backstroke under my careful watch with the support of a lifejacket was unimaginable and today it was thrilling to behold. Even the lifeguard showered compliments upon him. I walked away with some information of getting Reuben some private swimming lessons specially geared towards his disabilities. A full day of swimming with the sun only ascending from the marine layer fog at midday saving our skin some of the beating rays til then. A glorious day.

Our neighbor has just announced their pool is ours for the next week in their absence.... yippee, but tomorrow morning I'll be back here with Callum for $ Mondays.

Before bedtime... - Los Angeles Family Photographer

2011-07-05T23:07:00.000-07:00

Hey! Check out Reu's image on the border as Reu looks over to himself. One year older and wiser. Kinda cool?

A day home with Callum today and we both awoke late. I had the sweet love sleeping in with me last night and I was woken by the sound of a loud thud as he rolled out of the bed. Strangely, it didn't seem to wake him up.

Attempted to do a big tidy up in the playroom today with the help of the boys but it becomes a mammoth task. I'm sure the toddler toys could find a new home.

Struggling over what lies ahead right now, just for my record when I look back. The prospect of the next few months is not easy when I look at Reuben here, but unavoidable. I'm currently looking for a photographer to capture us before the surgery, without a huge departure from my own style.

Local beach boys - Los Angeles Family Photographer

2011-06-24T23:50:00.001-07:00

Last night I had a stunning dream.

Exploding with colour, the boys and other children, running around and then cutting to images of flowers, the camera refocusing from the background to the foreground, moving images, a gorgeous video. And in my dream I was thinking how I would love to create the same video that I was watching.

And when I awoke this morning, my dream came back to me and then later, I realized that I'd creatively directed and made a movie in my dreams, one which I've been wanting to make, but didn't yet have executable ideas for. The stunning movie in my dreams was one I'd created in my dreams, and now I have the ideas to actually make the video. Funny hey….

A swim with Callum at school in the therapy pool, home for stories to be read in the garden and the Bob books have arrived so Reuben could proudly announced "I read the whole book!" which I then realized is the Bob books trademark. Not so original a comment then. And he read 6 books all by himself, eagerly wanting to go to the next in the box set and Callum excited too.

The marine layer, June gloom, was settling in again from the ocean as it does from almost every evening to every morning here in Los Angeles, one of the foggiest cities at this time of year in the US. It rushes in from the ocean, shooting through the mass of blue skies which are otherwise almost entirely cloudless throughout the year, before burning off to a hazy sunshine by high noon. And so by the time we reached the beach close to home, we were in the thick of it.

Brothers

2011-06-17T08:34:00.001-07:00

The fun times are always about watching the boys together, foils to each other, studying each other's idiosyncrasies, gags and tantrums, being clearly proud of each other's achievements and helping one when the other is struggling. They shift like the sands between mentor and mentee, leader and follower as though their roles of big and little brother were interchangeable.

Old Navy friends - Los Angeles Family Photographer

2011-05-22T20:28:00.000-07:00

Does one of these make you laugh more than the other? An undecided Blip!

"She's so plastic Callum. You can do better." (title by Trudi)

What a great day. I decided you don't often get to hear that from me, so there you go. What a great day. Here goes:

Callum makes friends wherever he goes.

I noticed Arnie wasn't there at the morning mass after his rumored indiscretions. I have to say, last time I did see the Terminator coming back from communion, I felt a little like Linda Hamilton (but without the bod). Are the US and UK privacy laws on celebrities caught in flagranti so different?

Callum made friends with the almost 6 year old in front who was there with his Dad, the boy inviting me twice to his house for a playmate and giving me his full address. Little Zak was a Godsend, almost entirely taking Callum off my hands. The boys swapped toys and books throughout the service and Callum delved into my bag to find something else to give him and proudly presented him with a Tampax which I'm sure delighted his Dad.

It's such a spectacularly musical service (it is Hollywood) that the boys dance most of the way through, especially the crescendo of the Lord's Prayer and when the big clapfest came at the end, it was perfectly timed with Reuben's signing accomplishments which left him in a delightful fit of giggles assuming everyone was clapping him.

Then for a playmate in the park except everyone forgot to turn up. So we had a playmate by our sweet selves and Callum followed the big boys till they accepted him into their little gang and were willing to let him ride in their fast cars.

On for some Mandarin lunch at PF's (dismay: the Szechuan flatbread's off the menu), where Callum amused nearby diners by climbing booth over booth over booth. So I put a toddler harness on him and he did a Houdini act on that.

I then realized my summer wardrobe was abominable and I did my twice yearly, let's buy as many cheap clothes as a I can in as quick a time as they boys will allow. I told you Callum makes new friends one every occasion.

Home and smiling, glass of wine and salt n vinegar Kettle crisps in hand.

The Little Monkey & The Little Giraffe

2011-05-21T00:04:00.000-07:00

There is a little giraffe...

And he loves a little monkey

And the monkey loves the giraffe...

And every day they play happily together...

With boisterous wrestling like only wild animals know how...

And sometimes they will just sit side by side

And think...

And other times the monkey teaches

And the giraffe listens...

And the happiest times they spend

Are the times they spend together...

And whatever may pass each day between them...

They will never fail to make peace again before they lay their heads to rest...

And the little monkey is happy

And the little giraffe is happy.

The End.

{Love Mama}

Reuben Aged 4

2011-05-13T21:41:00.000-07:00

Please leave your birthday messages for Reuben. It will mean so much to us in years to come to look back on.

Reuben reads "Brown Bear, Brown Bear"

2011-05-10T19:07:00.000-07:00

Today is a huge milestone day. Reuben aged 4 and 1 week and a voice of just two years today read the entire Brown Bear book to me. Seeing the book buried under a pile I immediately thought - This would be a good one to teach him to read. I didn't have to. He read it by word recognition, not memory of the story. The two words I helped him with were "teacher" and "looking" and the rest he did all by himself.

I'm pretty amazed and rather think I showed it!

Were it not that he were not motivated by chocolate, he'd have had a car load by now.

Happy 2.5 years birthday Callum

2011-05-09T15:08:00.001-07:00

Happy 2.5 years Callum. Just days apart from being 18 months apart, I want to celebrate your two and a halfness too.

Photos and words to follow...

Happy 4th Birthday Reuben

2011-05-02T23:57:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday darling Reuben. I'll post your longer post later and for now just saying what a wonderful day spent with Sarah, Stuart & Alfie, Iain, Carole, Thomas and Maggie May at the Natural History Museum and thanks for the champagne and home made birthday cakes Sarah, enjoyed on the lawn of the museum.

Followed by a great night with my sister Geraldine and Mark from the hotel lounge to a curry.

Royal Wedding

2011-04-30T03:13:00.001-07:00

A gloroius day in London and the rest of the country, each soaking up the joy emanating from the happy couple and me where I feel very at home, swaying with crowds and cheering on the Royal procession, by myself but never alone. Arriving at 6am meant I was still about 6 rows back from the thronging crowds, the image captured on tip toes and live view which for most of us ended up being humously misjudged till I found this gem amongst them.

Cheers to my favourite city in the World, my hometown, for hosting such a momentous event and long into the night in the country with my sister, watching the TV coverage I hadn't seen after a right old knees up in the pub.

I have never known the entire country to feel so happy. It sways and radiates joy, like the endless sunny Spring days feeling much like summer that have blessed this trip. It's overwhelming gorgeous.

How fortunate was I to be there on the Mall watching the procession and then by the luck of the police crowd control, to be swept moments from the Palace gates and that all too wanted first kiss.

To be a moment of great history I feel quite honoured, there by myself as I'd been for Diana's memorial. If only I'd had one of those huge zooms with me and not a pack of memory cards that kept reading full. Delete, delete, quick!

Fairytales do come true...

The Enchanted Garden

2011-04-05T19:15:00.000-07:00

Two babies in the garden alone but for the breeze

The dancing light above their heads in ficus tree green leaves.

All lulled by fairytales, the scent of lavender air

The seeds take flight where heads they lay and rest upon their hair.

The breeze she slowly beckons, the lil' bugs to play

To tickle twice upon their hands, upon the chair they lay.

The leaves catch light ethereal, the light it ebbs and flows

O'er downy skin, the nape of necks, and piggy little toes.

Oh dream of bugs and reindeer, of fairies, knights and foals

Those dreams which guide you through your sleep and nourish your sweet souls.

Enchanted little children, your dreams beneath your tree

That take the path that leads to fields, and streams to open seas.

- Love Mama

I'm reading stories to the boys in the garden. Reuben's just home from school and Callum and I have enjoyed our morning at home doing puzzles. They nestle into me for some stories with the sun high above us and I feel them both become heavier beside me. Their breathing each mirrors the others and I know they are both now asleep. A poem starts to dance around in my head and I save it for later.

Antelope Valley Poppy Reserve

2011-04-04T01:33:00.000-07:00

{that's Callum!}

In the High Desert of the western Mojave lies Antelope Valley, known for California's most consistent poppy-bearing land. But this is not going to be a great poppy season here, the blooms as unpredictable as nature herself.

With recent rains, I expected the land to be awash with wildflowers, yet the blooms are late this year. Relying only upon natural forces for stimulation of the blooms, the protected land battles intense temperatures and ferocious winds and in this most hostile of natural environments, spring forth brilliant orange poppies.

The looping trail originally lead by our ranger wound over the crest to the spring at the base, facing buttes in the distance which rose up from the undulating spurs of the valley. I was trying to remember from geographical days the description of a butte when she asked us. Lizards darted about our feet and scurried into burrows, whilst the rattlesnake pointed out by our ranger and essential for the preservation of the ecosystem, had recently maimed its gopher pray.

Here I wanted to recreate the sun-bleached feel of the High Desert in the look of the images.

Happy Mothering Sunday to my dearest mother. An incredible source of inspiration. Til next week when I'll be home...

Sun's Up, Santa Monica

2011-03-31T19:26:00.000-07:00

The quintessentially Callumness of his hands delights me.

There's something about this city that grabs ya: for some, it's the obvious seduction of the beaches, the stunning mountain backdrop, the ritz. And for other's it's that which gets under your skin after a few years of really getting to know the place, discovering her nuances, quirkiness, warmth, beauty and insecurities which are not first apparent.

A short ride from Reuben's school a few blocks away on a bright sunny morning in LA, of which we've had few of late with the record rains, and the sun is tickling the surf, dancing with light in a misty sea of water colours, and beckoning a stroll. In the gentle breeze, a fairy lightness spins in the grains of sand being blown up to the salty air. If it weren't for my own miracle to watch, I would have gladly watched it all morning til the light changed and the effect would have dissipated. On the spur, I meet up with special needs Mama friend Cassandra and whilst Callum nestles into me in sleep, we have a great chance for a catch up, followed by the restaurant I keep mentioning for lunch, whereupon Callum insists on climbing over all the booths and Reuben is more than content staring at people on the buses going up and down and less keen on helping me make words from makeshift letters.

I love how the day is totally unplanned and turns out so very beautifully.

The Secret Garden

2011-03-24T14:38:00.000-07:00

Ah, we have some respite from the rain, so after school, out came the Radio Flyer Wagon.

According to Callum, every man is a "naughty man": the scarecrow in the book, the man walking innocently along the street, Basil Fawlty et al.

Edit: Awake on and off through the night. The rain...

See the light

2011-03-16T16:11:00.001-07:00

Very exhausting times. Had to ER yesterday as Reu's stoma isn't looking good and I believe there's still a hole from the trach but the Drs feel it's an infection so antibiotics #3. I'd envisaged the drainage to stop post surgery but I'm told with the degree of scar tissue it'll take a lot more healing. I don't to clean too hard as the stitches are still there. By myself now since Friday and just interviewed a new nurse as been nurseless too since then. My house is a tip so I'm writing this to vent when I know I should be cleaning. Particularly find the daily round of 12 meds and 4 breathing treatments a huge challenge as when I put the boys to bed, I think of what there still is to do before I can get some sleep, then I'm up repositioning Reu and looking after him during the night. Getting up for school and the 1hr drive not easy especially as during mornings like today and yesterday, the reflux was severe and poor Reu was throwing up repeatedly for an hour. Very heartbreaking to see him like this, crying through the throw ups and Callum looking at him with sweet empathy and saying "messy Reu Reu". I know I need more time for reading and other developmental stuff inc PT, OT and speech which have been non existence since June. Despite this, bathtime yields lovely spelling time with Reu and I'm always so delighted as he reads new words for me.

Pine Trees, UCLA

2011-03-11T18:15:00.000-08:00

In the grounds of the UCLA campus. These pines, heavenly scented after the rains, mean so very much to me

Happy Birthday Kristi Swann - Los Angeles Family Photographer

2011-03-09T15:42:00.000-08:00

Forever young. Forever inspiring. Forever full of grace. Forever selfless. We love you Kristi! Flock of Swanns
With every curve ball thrown at you in life, you just bounce back with a big beautiful smile on your face. I'd grow quite tired of all the compliments I'd get to send your way (my cousin Barrie my friend Laurie's mum...) if it weren't for being all about you.

The Halo

2011-03-07T20:19:00.000-08:00

Upon meeting the orthopedic Dr today to discuss the findings of the CT scan in 3D, we've walked away with the pretty certain knowledge that Reuben will need neck surgery to remove extra bones and deal with the fused bones in his neck. After that he'll wear a halo neck brace for 2-3 months which will be drilled into his skull for stability. This will be within the next 4-6 months to prevent worsening of his scoliosis and torticollis.

It looks like this - click here. Medieval torture chamber eat your heart out.

Feeling very uncomfortably numb.

Update: Candi Meadows (in CHARGE) put me in touch with this lovely family. I smiled when I saw her as he smile was shining through the halo. Gives me hope: Isabelle

The Journey

2011-02-24T20:32:00.000-08:00

I contemplate. With life's paths, there are no destinations. Life is merely a journey. A series of tiny steps, sewn together by imperceptible seams.

"I'm sittin' in the railway station.

Got a ticket for my destination, mmm."

PS: No Paddington Bears were harmed during the making of this picture.

The Curl

2011-02-21T14:42:00.000-08:00

Be filled with a soft warm glow and keep that inside of you 'til tomorrow. It will help Reu through the surgery to close his former trach stoma and on his vocal chords.

The last few days have been spent keeping Reu away from everywhere, keeping him healthy, safe and warm. Callum has gone to the ski slopes for sledding on President's Day and when I finish trimming his hair, making up for last year's first attempt, Reuben takes the opportunity to have a morning nap. I lie down beside him for a while and we do our double I love you signs and then he speaks the magic words. His fingers take a while to rest, wanting to practice his rhyming words some more, and he sleeps long enough for me to make this image.

Happy Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T21:07:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day

Thanks for sharing our journey.

And now it's time to sleep

2011-02-08T17:07:00.001-08:00

CT Scan for scolliosis

2011-02-08T11:03:00.000-08:00

Please keep Reuben in your thoughts tomorrow. He's having a CT scan to determine scolliosis of his back as the xrays were undeterminable.

On the heart front, after consultation with the surgeons who are often keen to bring things forward, surgery will be within 3 years so no immediate rush now. This 2nd open heart surgery will address the subaortic membrane, scar tissue that's flapping around in his hand and causing turbulence and was likely a result of his first open heart surgery. It will potentially address his bicuspid valve.

Hollywood: Who's looking at you kid?

2011-02-06T19:41:00.000-08:00

Joseph tearing his hair out with Callum's antics

Joseph, the 4 year old school friend who's a good foot taller than Reuben, makes paintings for Reuben. He asks if Reuben's on Skype. They are great schoolfriends. So Mum Angela and I thought it'd be cool to get together sometime. As we drive up to their home, Joseph comes scurrying down the steps and Reuben is beyond himself with excitement. Callum puts away his stranger anxiety and runs straight in to explore.

Dad Robert has put together some lovely dishes of guacamole & chips, salsas, humus and Italian deli sandwiches. Callum insists on switching Find Nemo over to another channel since, as we don't have TV at home, only a DVD player, he's unaccustomed to pressing buttons and another show coming up. All he gets at home is "On" or "Off".

Their gorgeous home is a treasure chest situated on Hollywood Boulevard and was once owned by Carole Lombard along with the (one for herself, one for her lovers including husband Clark Gable). I say her name with some trepidation. Recently a photog friend had been trying to sell a desk once owned by Cary Grant*. Being a passionate lover of his films, one of my favourite actors of all time, I immediately jumped on the offer although worried about how to transport it with its huge dimensions. The replies said photographer received were along the lines of "Who's Gary Grant?" to which the obvious reply was "That's like your kids asking, Who's Brad Pitt?" in the future. He was the original George Clooney. When told by an interviewer, "Everybody would like to be Cary Grant?" he replied "So would I". When you've been a lover off all things Cary Grant and the silverscreen all your life, it's hard not to imagine being engrossed in the culture and its history. I love feeling a sense of yesterday today.

It's an extraordinary location just one block from Sunset Blvd with its heaving body of restaurants and yet backed by the serenity of the Hollywood Hills.

Really enjoyed talking about their work - Robert, a Brooks Institute photography graduate - and together the couple TV and film producers. It all sounds very Hollywood doesn't it? In person, I don't get to talk film and photography too often, or rather I do, but bore the hell out of my friends. Really lovely relaxing afternoon with a glass of dry white.

I'm loving the Brady Bunch** quality to this shot. This made with my homemade "Trilby" black and white preset in Aperture. I named it that after first creating it for an image of Reuben wearing a Trilby hat over Christmas and it's now my staple black and white, no PS required.

*PS: So if you don't know Cary Grant then you have to check out one of my top 3 movies of all time: North by Northwest.

**PS: I mean you have heard of the Brady Bunch, right?

See the light

2011-01-31T13:30:00.000-08:00

It has been an extremely rough 24hrs and torture for Reuben. Nature has a craving for equilibrium, for bringing things back from highs and lows, for neutrality. I've been reminded of this whilst spending time with Callum this morning. And so I share 16 frames out of the camera, bare naked pics without any makeup. It's blessed countenance. Callum in his crib backlight by the south facing window.

Whilst my head has been full of topical medications for Reuben's severe diaper rash brought on by diarrhea brought on my antibiotics (which we've had to discontinue - no choice) brought on by his UTI and ear infection, this morning I took some time out with Callum as yesterday he was at the aquarium with Jason and today Reuben's in the hospital for a white count test (down from 46 to 8 - hurrah!). We enjoyed a lovely shower together which brought on a lovely sleepiness as he asked for his bed. Can this really be the same boy I ask again who would wail at the thought of going anywhere near bed. Is it because hippo, musk ox, owl, gator, elephant, rhino and mouse are in with you?

Thanks to Blip and FB, we have some new remedies to try. In the NICU, the nurses would make their own paste concoctions as the tiny premies and newborns were being assaulted with antibiotics and their skin had no defense.

In quiet contemplation

2011-01-27T13:53:00.000-08:00

So in the last week Reuben's dealt with two ambulance journeys, 36hrs in ER and a night on a (very luxurious) new wing at UCLA battling spasmodic croup, coxsockie virus, a UTI and an ear infection. All in good humour and in his stride.

This, in quiet contemplation.

Of all that's been in the last week. A stronger day. Let's work on getting you back to school soon little man.

Thanks for thinking of us…